I posted an auction for this at on ebay – Hopefully it will give you a good laugh.
They don’t take kindly to folks saying anything about charity, but half of the proceeds for this auction will go to help children in need, so bid it up! When the winner pays, I’ll post here where the money went. Here is the ad below.
Hello, my friend. I do not believe that it is by chance that you have stumbled upon my internet page. It is fate, no? You clearly have clicked on this link to view the goodness of him … Elton Brand, or EB as I call him (I am very close friends with someone who knows of him.)
I have made the difficult decision to sell off this very prestigious collection. Enough with the chit-chat. I will start off the bidding of his wonderful rookie card of EB himself, in all his finger pointy goodness.
Impressive, no? Well, if that’s not enough, how about I double the offer?
Still with me? Well I am about to knock your knickers clean off you. I will double the double offer.
Hello … sir? Wake up and pick yourself up off the floor. I know you are thinking to yourself “This cannot be! they must be fake!” That is not true. I have taken a picture of the back of one to show you. See? The amount of conviction in his eyes on the back of his card simply cannot be from a fake.
I truly am an EB super collecting boss, and am allowing you to get on the ground floor of a multi-million dollar lifestyle – for pennies on the dollar. EB will be going to the hall of fame. Don’t believe me? How about I add some more finger pointy rookies?
BOOOM. Yes, BOOM. One is even a refractor. Don’t take me wrong, ok? EB can be serious. Because of this, I am throwing in, at no additional charge to you, eight special serious face EB rookie cards.
Worried about the serious versions scaring your wives, children and goats? You may want to keep these babies tucked away, and only display them if needed. For all those other times though, I have happy EB rookie cards too.
What’s that? You are sick of finger pointy, serious and smiley EB rookie cards? How about this sweet action?
EB in action! Clearly, he is about to jam upon Kobe, MJ, Lebron, Durant, Griffin and Chamberlain all at the same time. Now for the high end stuff.
BAM! Finest, Stadium Club Chrome, Bowman’s Best and inserts! What, want more?
How do you like my Gold Label style? Truly worth their weight in gold.
Your children and wives must be going to bed now, because the goodness doesn’t stop here. Now, it gets even crazier.
See this??? One of them is serial numbered to #500. It is the only one that is #ed 088 of the 500, making it a true one of one.
ELTON FREAKING BRAND, PEOPLE!!!
The ladies will flock to you, after you show off your new ELTON BRAND Super Collection.
What is this? You may say. Can it be? Yes, it is! An E-XCEPTIONAL insert and a TRUE, REAL autograph of EB himself … while he was in college. Yes, this card was touched by the finger pointy hand of EB. The autograph itself was
Dear friend, I want to thank you for looking at my super collection of Elton Brand. No, scratch that. You want to thank me for showing you your future super collection of Elton Brand. There are none of those annoying cards with fabric on them. Just cardboardy, finger pointy goodness. You may think that a collection like this could go for $20,000 or more, which I have been offered by multiple parties in the past year when I was not ready to sell. There are 132 cards here in all, that are either rookies or inserts, and I am starting this auction off at 99 cents with NO RESERVE!
As a winner of this auction, you will receive all cards shown above, be interviewed, and featured on my blog.
You could also be granted a date with Jennifer Lopez and a game one on one with Elton Brand himself.*
Bid now, and bid high. Winning this Elton Brand Super Collection will change your life forever.
*Date with Jennifer Lopez is contingent upon you contacting J-Lo, asking her out, and saying yes. The same goes with the one on one basketball game with Elton Brand. This auction in no way, shape or form guarantees either, winning this auction will dramatically increases your chances on both accounts.
That is how you sell some cards. You could sell snow to an eskimo, sir.